Sunday, July 18, 2004

Storytime (Afterword)

So, there you go. It's done. Finally.
It's funny. I don't know why this story has been on my mind lately. There's nothing terribly fantastic about it, but for some reason I seem to look back on this as the high-point in my life for the last few years.
And yet, it *isn't* -- I actually had more fun travelling to Quesnel with the theatre this year than I did going to Vancouver.
So what is it?
I think -- I'm not completely sure, but I *think* -- it's because I fell like there was some kind of failed romantic opportunity with Chris. That I had her away for a weekend, sharing a hotel room with me, and I missed some chance to make some bold, overt move. I missed the chance to, at the most, win her heart and, at the least, get laid.
But then, that's my life -- missed opportunities and regret.
And I think, now, *that's* why this story is on my mind. Because, more than any other memory I have, this one sums up everything that's wrong with me and everything I've screwed up in my life by doing absolutely notyhing at all.
Even if nothing would have ever happened between Chris and I, my failure to take a step towards that is representational of every other time that I have failed to take action.
And that, I think, is why that weekend has been on my mind. And why it probably always will be, haunting me, reminding me.
And teaching me how I should be living my life.
Even if I never actually figure it out.

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