Mmmmm, booze...

The Guinness Book of World Records is a source we can all turn to when we need to know those random, pointless bits of trivia, like who has the longest fingernails, or who has eaten the most raw eggs in less than a minute. Unfortunately, if you're looking for booze-related records -- and really, who wouldn't be? -- you're out of luck with current editions of the book.

Apparently the folks behind the Guinness book stopped including liquor-based records in 1991, fearing lawsuits inspired by stupid people drinking themselves to death in attempts to find the sort of fame we all dream about: By being that guy who chugged a bottle of Absinthe faster than anyone else in the world.

Thankfully, the folks over at the calwineries blog have dug up some older booze records from Guinness, most of them from the 1979 edition, before retarded lawsuits became the norm.

Here's some highlights:

Strongest Beer

• The strongest known beer in 1979 was EKU Kulminator Urtyp Hell from Kilmbach, West Germany, at 13.2 percent alcohol (1979).

• Update: Bavarian brewer Harald Schneider, from southern Germany, brewed a beer that was 25.4% alcohol. Source.

Fastest Beer Drinking Relay

• Czech patriots drank 2,662 half-litres of beer in less than 17 hours. Drinking at a rate of over 156 beers per hour, or 2.6 mugs per minute, the Czechs can now claim to be the fastest “relay” drinkers in the world (2004). Source.

Most Alcoholic Person (actual name of record)

• It is recorded that a hard drinker named Vanhorn (1850 – 1911) averaged more than four bottles of Ruby Port per day for 23 years prior to his death at 61. He is believed to have emptied 35,688 bottles (1979).

So, for those of you thinking you're hardcore, serious drinkers, keep this in mind -- you have a lot to live up to. But if you plan to drink like a fish with an indestructible liver, don't do it for fame -- fame is fleeting, and most people would probably laugh at you for being the most alcholic person -- do it for yourself. Do it because you love the booze. And because the booze loves you.

Lovely, lovely booze.