Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Reconnecting with the Divine (Part Two)

Dear God:

Okay, I get the point.

Wait, well, no, actually I don't get the point. The point is something I'm completely missing here. But I get the message. Loud and clear. So, in spite of the fact that it was the message I was looking for, fine, I'll accept it, because that's what life is -- accepting that things don't always go our way. Accepting that there are ups and downs, and hurdles, and pain, and bullshit. Fine, I accept that.

But I still want to know what the point is. What this is supposed to teach me, what I'm supposed to learn from this. And more importantly, why you chose to teach me this bizarre, unexplained lesson in this way.

Because it's not just the lesson. It's the context of the lesson. And I'm sure you know that context is everything. There are hundreds our thousands or millions of ways that you could choose to make a point, so the choice to make it in a certain, specific way says a lot about the lesson itself. What could possibly be learned about the context of the lesson says, I think, more than the lesson itself.

So...I'm sitting here, and I get the message. I get the message very loud and clear. But the point...the point is still missing. The point I'm still looking for. The point still evades me. What was this all about?

And don't pull that whole whole "trust in the Lord" thing, or that "it's all part of God's mysterious, unknowable plan" bullshit either. Because I'm a bright guy, who believes in a God that wouldn't drop stuff onto the lap of someone if that someone wasn't capable of taking something away from it.

And so, I ask again, what is it that I'm supposed to take away from this?

I eagerly await your response.


PS: Yeah, okay, I'm kind of angry right now. Can you tell? Okay, it's nothing personal, really, I just very, very badly want to get this. And get it soon, Because you dropped something on me that has, ultimately, left me very, very fucked up, and while I'm not opposed to being fucked up if there's a point to be made, or a lesson to be learned, I'm still waiting for that point or lesson to be made clear to me.

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