Monday, May 15, 2006

Teh shit

You ever have those days that are just so overwhelmingly dreadful that you can't even talk about them? That to even put them into words would create such a harsh reminder of how dreadful that 24-hour period was, it would make your head explode? Yeah, I had one of those today. And no, I'm not going to put the day into words. Because if I did, my head would explode.

This year has been so fucked it's not even funny. Ups and downs and peaks and valleys, and I know that's a part of life, but it seems like so much of this facet of life has been crammed into a 365-day period that I just can't keep up, I can't think straight, I can't even breathe. I'm dizzy, I'm nauseated, I'm giddy, I'm ecstatic. I'm filled with joy and filled with misery. I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now, and I feel like if I let go, I'd do both at the same the time.

Change is hard. Change is good. Change is terrifying. We get stuck in a rut sometimes, and it's comfortable riding in that rut, and when I'm in that rut, however comfortable it is, I hate it. I hate it because I know I'm in that rut, and that I'm there only *because* it's comfortable. But when you get knocked out of that rut, and you're veering all over the road because you've been in the rut so long that you can't even remember how to steer, that's terrifying. It makes your heart beat and your blood pump, but it's terrifying.

I had the weirdest sense lats August that I was slipping into what would be the strangest, most surreal, and somehow most exciting year of my life. So far that prediction hasn't been wrong. And there's still three months to go.

Can't wait to see what happens next.


elise_on_life said...

Yay! Glad you're looking forward to it! That shows a definite positive attitude - no dread or fear over what's coming up. If this crazy life pattern keeps going, we'll surely go to Mainstage, because that could only bring more ups and downs and hair-pullings! Yay!

Todd said...

Okay, admittedly there was more than just a hint of sarcasm in my "can't wait to see" line. But seeing a comment with two "Yay!"s in it has already substantially improved my mood.

elise_on_life said...

You know what you need? A recording of me saying something like "Yay! Way to go, Todd!" Then you could play it over and over and constantly improve your mood!

Todd said...

That might actually be eerily effective. I think you're the only person I know who can actually say, "Yay!" without sounding like a total goofball. Must be the kindergarten-teacher thing.

elise_on_life said...

I am actually quite flattered by this! Thank you! Yay!