Thursday, January 31, 2008

Self improvement doesn't necessarily trigger an orgasm, but it really should.

In the film "Fight Club," the character of Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt) says, at one point, that self-improvement is masturbation. He then implies that self-destruction is better path to choose.

It's an appealing notion, particular for someone like me who, for far too many years, has drank too much, eaten badly, and smoked like a chimney. Fuck self-improvement.

Except for the fact that this sort-of brush off of the idea manages to brings something appealing to it as well. Which is this: Masturbation is actually kind of fun.

I mean, it's not the most fun you can have, for sure. It's probably wouldn't even break the top five of sexual pass-times. But sometimes when there's nothing on TV and you haven't picked up a good book lately, masturbation can kill some time in a pretty entertaining way.

What I'm trying to say is, I've been masturbating a bit more than usual lately.

Which is to say, I've been on a sort-of self-improvement kick.

Nothing seriously over-the-top or anything like that. I haven't quit smoking, I haven't quite drinking, I haven't become a vegetarian, I'm not at the gym for two hours every single day. I tend to think that the people who do go over the top with stuff like this are the sort of people who tire of their attempts at self improvement very quickly, and return to those old habits they were trying so hard to break.

So, instead, what I'm trying to do is drink a little bit less, eat a little bit healther, get outside and take a walk every couple of days. Just little things. But little things that can be done without wearing yourself, without making you hate this stupid self-improvement kick and why the fuck did you ever think it was a good idea, little things that can eventually become a routine. And once they do, maybe push them a little further.

Masturbate a little bit more often, you could say.

All of this was ratting around in my head tonight, essentially, when I was making my third cup of herbal tea, thinking to myself, "I really do prefer these London Fruit and Herb teas the other brand I was drinking. They're much better." And then I realized that two months ago, I wouldn't have been drinking herbal tea, I'd have been drinking beer, at least a six pack tonight, because, let's face it, beer is awesome. But, instead of drinking beer, I was standing in the kitchen, noting to myself with brand of herbal fucking tea I preferred.

And I though, "Holy crap, I'm not sure I recognize myself at this moment."

And it was weird, because it was like I caught myself masturbating. And I felt a little guilty about it.

But at the same time, it felt pretty good too.

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