On avocadoes, pits, and Abraham Maslow

I love watching spam message subject lines. Well, okay, not always. The ones that say things like, "DID U WANT TO CUM LIKE A PORN STAR!!?!" are sort of boring, but some of the ones that try to sneak through the spam detectors can be fun to watch.

I got one today that made me smile. It said: "Self-Actualized Avocado Pit."

That wasn't what the ad was about, actually. The ad was trying to sell viagra and cialis, but that doesn't much matter.

What matters was, the subject line made me smile. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it was nice to be reminded of self-actualization, and Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a concept I haven't thought much about since the handful of psych courses I took in my misspent youth. Maybe because the idea of self-actualized avocado is just plain goofy. Maybe because I just needed a smile.

But then I got to thinking.

*What if* an avocado pit actually *was* self-actualized? What then?

Then an avocado pit would be better off then me. Better off than a flesh-and-blood human being, with hopes and dreams and fears and disappointments. Mind you, I suppose that avocado pit would actually be better than *most* of us, but that didn't really occur to me at the time. Just that, for a handful of seconds, I faced the possibility that somewhere in the world there was an avocado pit that was happier and more psychologically sound than I was.

That made me a little bit sad.

Looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs (which you can find nicely summarized at Wikipedia here), I'd say I'm probably stuck at the "Love / Belonging" level, which is sort of frustrating, because if I could get past that, I think I'm actually doing okay at the "Esteem" level, which means self-actualization for *me* and not just for some stupid avocado pit would then be on the horizon. And that would be pretty cool.

All this is, of course, assuming that Maslow and his hierarchy of needs isn't horseshit. Which, hey, maybe it is. What do I know.

Be sure!

Are you too critical about your body? With Penis Enlarge Patch you can be sure at least about one thing.

Yes! You can be sure that, somewhere, you have a Penis Enlarge Patch! And doesn't that make you feel better?

More fun with spam

The subject line of a spam that arrived in my inbox today.

When your penis lets you down in the most inappropriate moments, ask Cialis Soft Tabs for help.

Maybe it's just me, but is there really an appropriate moment for your penis to let you down? Are there times when you're really counting on your penis to come through for you, and it doesn't, but you think, "Okay, under the circumstances, I can let that one slide..."? Am I over-analysing this stuff, or does it really read as ridiculously as I think it does.

All this reminds me of the good times over at Spamusement. The site hasn't been updated in forever, but the archives are worth a look if you haven't been over there before.

Sometimes 'good enough' is good enough.

This message, courtesy of some spam that was waiting for me in my inbox this morning:

In popular mythology a small penis is still thought to signal a totally inadequate lover. Penis Enlarge Patch can make you an adequate lover.

It seems to me that if the best your product can do for me is make me adequate, it might be time to head back to the ol' marketing department. You might want to try selling me on a side effect or something.